i started my new job at nakamura sushi house today
im just a mornin dishwasher, so i only go in from 12-2, lolol.
everyday
easy as SHITTTTTTT.
but i bet i'll want more hours eventually, but this works for now.

today was an alright day
ive been having alright days, its pretty cool.

wish it would get cold again, though, I HATE THE HEAT DANGIT

radioheads playing somewhere close soon, so is the mars volta
I NEED MONEY!
good thing i got a job, lol.










UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
im gettin over my spring fever, already.
i dont need a significant other to be happy.
sorry i was bein lame and emo for a while, im pretty much over it though.

shittttttttt my nose is runny, so im gonna take some nyquill and go to sleep.
i got a killer 2 hour shift tomorrow, LOL.
<3

I don't want to be your friend
I just want to be your lover
No matter how it ends
No matter how it starts
Forget about your house of cards
And I'll do mine

uhm lately i feel like i gave negative 3 friends.
kinda blows.
danny and alicia have been dramatic as fuck, like more than usual, and theyve been puttin me in the middle of it.
feels like when i would hang out with sam and levi all the time, lol.
so im like ehhhh fuck that.
the other night we got all whisky drunk and i told danny to fuck off and i flipped him off, cuz he was being dumb, and i was drunk.
guess he took it the wrong way and now hes bein a homo, he should understand that we were ALL drunk, ya know?
i think it has more to do than that, though, cuz both him and alicia havve been mean to me lately.
OUT OF FUCKIN NOWHERE.
So i havbent been messin with them.

i had a seizure the other night, and i haver no reason why, but ever since then, when i get stoned i feel all sick and eghhh, so i havent been gettin stoned as much.
it kinda blows bein this sober for this long after like a half a year of being fucked up all the time.
maybe its time to slow down anyway.

but god it sucks, lol.

i need new friends.
wait no i dont, friends suck.
<3

I've come this far and I now I can make it
I've got a broken heart and you can't break a broken heart
I come knocking at your door
You don't love me anymore
But I just can't give up
'Cause I don't know what to do about it

You must be wrong if you think you don't love me
You could smile down on and put an happy ending to my
Song
I come knocking at your door
You don't live there anymore
Is it just a memory
Or am I a little crazy for you

If there's no love I just can't believe it
I've got a broken mind and only you can relieve it
I don't remember who you are
Are you someone that I saw
'Cause I really am confused
But I think that I still love you

daniel johnston is the man, no doubt about it.
he makes a SHITLOAD of wierd drug induced music, and he got famous for it!
my role model.
but hes really old now, so maybe when im really old, people will think im cool!
lol
IM BORED

WASSUPPPPPP
its 1145 and im waiting for my friends to get back from the movies!
im really really really drunk and stoned, i got the spins, :(
my stomache hurts, too.
idk what to post about, ITS FRIDAY TOMORROW!
but all my friends are gonna be at sxsw.
im gonna see if i can hitch a ride, ya know?!
itll be radtasticular cancer.
<3
but i doubt ill get to go, lol.
oh well, time for a spring break with myself, i guess!

y0!
ummm an update!
well, nothings new really.
im gonna go apply at mcallisters today!
then imma eat spuds all the damn time!
yummy.
:)
i havent remembered much of this whole past week and a half or so, lol.
but its time to get with it!
WORKWORKWORK (I NEED $$$)

i keep changing friend groups within the giant group of friends i have.
lol
theres like mini groups, its perfect!

BUT, ive been hanging out with my sister a whole bunch! its nice.
we always do fun stuff, like this neat video!


:)
OH I CLEANED MY CAR OUT AND FIXED MY SEAT!
and today im gettin a new lightbulb cuz the other night i got pulled over!
i thought for sure i was goin to jail, cuz i had all this beer and tons of other shit if ya know what i mean!
and my cousin chris and raul were in the car, and they both have possession charges, so i was like, GREAT WERE GETTIN SEARCHED.
but we didnt, and i just got a warning, SO BOO YA!
:)

but my cars comin along, now all i need to fix is the door.
and with the 6.50 salary at mcallisters, ill be able to fix dat fo sho.

speakin of fix dat, i got a new rap song comin soon, WATCH OUT FOR DAT.
<3

hmmm
i had some fucked up dreams last night.
:/
and some really cool ones.
life's fucking whacko, man.
and so is the mind, and humans needs and emotions.
i dont think i'll ever get over HER.
SHE was the one who no girl will ever live up to.
SHE is the one who is still in my dreams, to this fuckin day.
SHE is the reason no girl will ever get ALL of my love and affection.
still, its been well and done for a long time, but eh.
ive moved on, but i still got her locked in my subconscious, coming out only at the times my mind feels like fucking with me.
life's a bitch sometimes.

ive done more than a shit load of people.
ive experienced so much.
i should be dead, 4 times over by now.
who knows why i'm not?
i sure dont, maybe im going to be needed for something one day, i sure hope my life has some kinda meaning.
but until then, i'll just keep on fucking up and gettin fucked up.
:)
sucks that that's the only way i ever feel "normal" anymore.
its wierd to be sober.
i just need something or someone to save me or something, i dont know.

i quit china garden.
except not really, i just stopped going.
i havent told my parents.
told em i had the weekend off.
i'll fake get fired tomorrow for not going to work.
then monday i'll start a job search.
i havent had a weekend in a long ass time.
i'm gonna enjoy it.
:)

i dont know whats on the agenda today, i dont think i ever do, but if anyone wants to hang out, then they definately should give me a call.
or a text.
hell, even a "hi" would do, i feel like i need human companionship more than ever right now.
wierd, my planets must be out of whack or some shit.
<3

yeah!
a minute to chill thats not 3 am.
lol.
today was okay, just work and school.
prolly gonna get a bag and romance some girl with some green.
lol, if only it was that easy.
im in a good mood, despite all the loneliness around me.
and all the gay couples that came to work today.
hahahahaha.
i miss having someone, im so stupid sometimes.
oh well, girls are lame anyway.
at least here.
or maybe im just the lamey.













...NAH ITS THE GIRLS.
hahahahahaha.
<3
can't wait to meet the woman of my dreams, till then, i'll just keep on dreamin.

Your name is on everything you do, well, so is mine
Your life made a turn for you and gave you time
And through your uneven footsteps you found tolerance and cleanliness
And I found you
Your name appears at such an alarming rate in this town I can't escape it
(I'm sure you agree with that statement)
You sat around and borrowed money
I offered you a job trying to be funny
It worked out, but only at first
Your face is a minor detail
Elephants as big as whales
Recreational vehicles and mutual friends
But who's to blame? Lack of power?
And I don't mind that you're not here
And who's to blame? The believer?
The eye in the sky is watching your every single move
We stayed up at night much too late
Talking crap about The Secret Handshake
Talking about our life long mistakes
If only they knew, if only they knew
Talking bad about the kids from Denton
Disagreeing about sexual tension
You've been with more girls than I have
Both your faces have, both your faces have
I brought you to Los Angeles to do nothing
We both flew first class, and despite LA's boringness,
While I recorded you found plenty to do, plenty to do
Your face is as big as a whale
Elephants are a minor detail
Recreational vehicles and appointed tasks
But who's to blame? Lack of power?
And I don't mind that you're not here
And who's to blame? The believer?
The eye in the sky is watching your every single move
We've both got better things to do

valentines day is gonna blow.
ergh!
i hate when im in this gay mood.
it happens all too often, though.
</3

:)

i followed you ..foolishly
you were at a smoky bar, you were out til three
sat alone inside my car, it was nearly four
we were gonna wait for you all night
so i locked the door
i was gonna spend the night, coulda been okay
we were gonna talk all night, till i went away
remember how you used to say, can't stay up late
a minute later we're older now, i can't stay awake
i'm driving by your parent's farm, in the Chevrolet
i remember that rusty car, like it was yesterday
saw my brother driving by, the other day
i wished that i'd go out to him, but he drove away
saw my sister standing there, standing in rain
then i thought about nothing, that it feels the same
another day, come and gone
don't think i can ever sing that song
little secrets we bring along
i'm taking my time, trailing behind, i thought of you
today is the day i think of you

mmm im in love with that song.
like seriously.
yo la tengo is the shittt.

also, im in love with tapes n' tapes again, also!
its a wonderful relationship we have, i can just stop listening to them, then restart listening to them, and they just wont mind and we can be in love again!
i wish life was like that, id have a lot of my old friends still.
*sigh*
speakin of old friends, ive been chillin with some!
its nice.
real nice.

my favorite tapes n' tapes song, errr used to be till alicia told me her and dany have sex to this song. nasty.

Omaha, Omaha
Where you been?
When we meet we can talk awhile
I can sleep in your dreams
The night alone I've been waiting
Omaha, Omaha
The saddled streets, the burro beats down my door
When you say it's no love affair
I will know and when we go
I'll be the only thing who cares
I've been waiting awhile
Here I come, Omaha
Hiding out
I got hot head, hot eyes, hot ticks, hot mouth
Each howl, I get bigger
I can't stay, I can for the night, for the night
For the weekend and the night
I've been aiding my fall
Aiding my fall, aiding my fall
I'll be long gone
You shouldn't wake me awhile

lol this entry is choc full of lyrics weeee!
im fuckin bored.
its my day off and idk what to do.
OH!
i told my manager i can be a delivery driver if she ever needs me to.
70 bucks a night, paid every night you deliver.
wooo!
and i wont have to bus all the fuckin time.
i hate bussing.
lol.
she was all OH OKAY!
like of course.
:)
specially on valentines day, she told me.
i guess lots of people want to have delivery on valentines day.
how romantic.

i wish i had a valentine.
ghey.
maybe i should just buy one of those packs of 32 valentines and give em to my friends.
hahahaha i'll get holographic transformers ones or some shit.
lol.

oh i should tell everyone about my shrooms experience last week, huh.
well i felt really insignificant at first. like we went out to the lake to smoke a blunt, and i was barely starting to feel them.
it was like 1 am, all the trees were spooky, but it was fuckin beautiful out there.
it started lightninging. lol lightninging. it got real windy too, but not a cold wind, it was a perfect wind. it was just nice.
when you're on them, you despise most mechanical things, i just wanted to get away from technology, its all i thought about. like fuck, it was so badass. so we started smoking, and god damn they kicked in double. lol. it was getting wayyyy to crazy at this point. i heard every sound and it was like magnified or something. i felt the ground start to get wavy, and i looked down and it was gettin wavy. it was cool to walk on. hahahaha. so we started walkin back to my car. actually it was my dads car. i started driving, and it felt like the car was staying still, and the earth was just rotating and turning and shit, and not the car. lol. it was awesome. so the earth took us through some crazy roads and it was going wayyyy fast. (it was me going fast lol). and i turned and squeeled the tires and had the window rolled down so i could feel all the wind from the lake roads. i felt little drops of water hit me, but it wasnt raining or nothing. everytime i saw something move on the side of the road i freaked out, then i remembered i was shroomin and calmed down. so the earth took us back to rhinos, where we watched zombie movies that were wayyyyy too intense. they were rabid zombies so they moved all crazy and fuckied with my head, lemme find a clip. ok WATCH EM.  theyre both from the very first scene. OH! the soundtrack was fucking amazing. but of course it was. they used GY!BE on the first one, and this one is just as badass.
ok im rambling, here are the clips.




they all mix in lol.
ummmm, this is a random entry. oh anyway, yea that was my trip.
i recommend them to anybody, it just makes you think.
i thought a lot about what was real, not just because i was trippin, but like, idk. shit like "am I real?" "are the feelings i have real?" "are my friends real to me?" idk it just puts you into real deep thought. you think of real cool shit.

ok im gettin a headache from not smoking, so im gonna go smoke and shower and live my life!
bai!

oh, it was amazing.
:)
god, its wierd being back into reality.
i didnt sleep a wink, and now i am going to give matt a ride to school then sleep.
im delerious.
FUCK.
it was so badass.
we went out to the lake at like 1 in the morning, and it was so creepy, but awesome.
the weather was/still is perfect as fuck.
it was just good times.
well, time to go take matt and catch up on sleep.
I GET MY FIRST PAYCHECK FROM CHINA GARDEN TODAY.
and i have nothin to spend my money on.
<3

im gonna shroom for the first time!
i'll tell everyone about it tomorrow!
:)

i love not having free time to myself anymore.
i love having money, but having no time to spend that money.
i love spending my birthday doing nothing.
i love being so lonely that i have to resort to asking my brother if he wants to sleep in my room.
i love getting up every morning to go to school, then going straight to work right after, then coming home and sleeping and continuing the routine daily.
i love not seeing my friends anymore.
i love not seeing my family anymore.
i love how sore my feet are.
i love how greasy my face is.
i love the fact that no one really cares about this shit.


only i dont really love any of that stuff.
and i dont really love anyone anymore.
not even myself.
i fucking hate routine.
i fucking hate annoying ass people.
i fucking hate not having anyone to talk to.
i fucking hate being lonely all the god damn time.
i hate school.
i hate work.
i hate LIFE.

but who doesnt feel like they lead a horrible existence?
i have nothing to complain about.
im not missing a leg.
i dont have a tumor.
my parents arent on their death beds.
im not living on the streets in a cardboard box.
im just some spoiled little brat.
as are most of the people who think they have problems.

what the fuck am i talking about?
what the fuck am i ever talking about?
i need a hobby.
or a lover.
god damnit im lovesick.
lolol.
im gonna quit bitchin now, thxbai.

homg its my birthday
19 years young!
:)
i just got home from rhinos, they gave me a beer shower
yay for me being all sticky now.
just kidding, im gonna shower and get some rest for tomorrows/fridays festivities.
i put the slash on account of my plan to not sleep thursday night and go to school friday morning hammered, then coming home and sleeping till friday night.
:)

i have pneumonia.
:(
plus i think im the only person in the world who can spell that word.
lol

SUP
havent posted in forever!
lawlawlawl.
3 days till my bday!
not that i'll do anythin, ive just been workin and goin to school.
growin up is wierd!
lol.
my hair is finally gettin acceptable lookin.
XD

i passed out at wal mart the other day and got a real bad concussion from hitting the floor so hard.
i was in bed for the past 2 days. i had a real hot fever, and all this shit was goin crazy with my immune system failing. i felt every scrape, old bruise, new bruise, anything. it sucked. and now i have bed sores. :( but im feeling better, just have a lot of drainage in my lungs.
its all seemed like a dream.
i hope i never have a concussion again, fuck that!

im off till wednesday, though, so thats cool.
:)

last night was a drunk crazy night!
havent had one of those in a long while!
hahahahahah
oh man, lotta shit happened that didnt have to happen.
but everyone was wastedddd, so i mean today its gonna be all good, i hope.
XD
so now, a day to recover from my hangover, then TOMMYS AND ANDREWS BDAY PARTY TONITE.
eeesh, i bet i'll have a new entry tomorrow similar to this one, lol.

ooooofah.
:)
i just got back in town from a fun fun fun trip.
i was in OD, and went to lubbock and blah blah blah, it was just a fun time.
but i got homesick, and now that im home, i dont wanna be here, lol.
but i bet tonight will be fun.
<3

merry EX mas!
lolol ;D
tonight is gonna be soooooooooo awesome.
:)
i got some badout baseball shirts and 200 dollars.
im gonna spend some of it on rolls, and the rest on a roadtrip somewhere.
where to, idk yet, but its gonna be awesome.
im excited to rock n ROLL tonight.
lol.
kbai.

woo.
a lot has happened in a month!
jeez where to start.
i finished my first semester of college!
eeeee.
umm, im single again.
it kinda sucks, but kinda not.
idk, its wierd, because i havent been like fully single like this in a loooong time.
hahahahaha.
ive been hanging out with dany and andrew a lot.
its been really fun.
im gonna go out and get a job within the week.
then im REALLY going to move out.
lol, i all keep talking about it, but no one ever comes through with their plans.
typical san angeloans.
hahahaha.
so now, im just gonna think about me, and if a roommate comes along, then cool, which is the way i shoulda been thinking in the first place.
sheeyit, idk what to talk about.
lol, dumb lj.
kbai!

yuckk
i forgot that during this time of year, BUT ONLY FOR THE FIRST MONTHS OF COLD, i get uber sick
:(
i need lots of tissues, please donate, :)